Meet Kaitlyn and "Meat"
Kaitlyn Krimpsen and Prathamesh “Meat” Kimitri are the other half of the Bing and Ron’s punk band, The Ephits.
Bing and Ron have known Kaitlyn since kindergarten and both of them have had secret crushes on her for most of the intervening years (although she annoys them both no end). What’s so annoying? Well, Kaitlyn is always late for everything. Usually hours and hours late. Her record of being unreliable is so perfect that it makes her, in a strange way, actually reliable. You can count on her to mess up any schedule. She’s so chronically late to so many things that her parents actually took her to a brain specialist to see if she has a chemical imbalance or a flaw on the genetic level. Despite the Dr. visits, the cause of her lateness is still a mystery.
Meat is Ron and Bing’s other best friend (in addition to their drummer). He’s famous for being the most disorganized, unfocused kid in their school. Although not bad looking, he’s a heavyset, rumpled mess. He has soulful brown eyes and an overdeveloped class-clown, party-animal sensibility that makes him as popular with the uncool kids as he is dreaded by the teachers. Drumming is Meat’s one real focus and passion. Because he has extremely rich, self-involved parents, he is mostly allowed to live on his own (with his massive drum kit) in their secluded summer cabin in the woods a few miles out of town. Meat’s cabin makes an excellent rehearsal space because there are no close neighbors to complain if the music is too loud. Unfortunately, that also means there’s no one to hear if the cabin were attacked…
Kaitlyn Krimpsen
Height: 5’6”
Weight: 110 lbs
Hair Color: Brown
Eye Color: Hazel
Last seen wearing: Blue jeans and a David Bowie T-shirt
Instrument of choice: Korg Kronos X 88-note keyboard
Favorite food: Bean and cheese burritos
Favorite song: Hang Onto Yourself, by David Bowie
Favorite Activities: Showering, reading, playing music, speed Rubik’s Cube-ing
Known Associates: Bing, Ron and Meat
Fun Facts: Despite the fact that she is failing most of her classes at Barton High, she has twice scored at the genius level on IQ tests and can solve a Rubik’s Cube in an average of 13 seconds.
Prathamesh “Meat” Kimitri
Height: 5’9”
Weight: 182 lbs
Hair Color: Dark brown, curly and shoulder length
Eye Color: Beer-bottle brown
Last seen wearing: Slept in jeans and a slept in “I ♥ Tacos” T-shirt
Instrument of choice: Any kind of percussion instrument, although any drummable surface will do.
Favorite food: That’s no fair. He loves them all equally.
Favorite song: Invaders Must Die, by the Prodigy
Favorite Activities: Playing drums, p
artying, listening to drums, eating, thinking about drum fills, writing music, pulling pranks, watching comedy movies, relaxing
Known Associates: Bing, Ron and Kaitlyn
Fun Facts: Although his father used to lecture him when he was a small boy about evildoers being dragged to the black pit of Naraka (just south of the universe) to be boiled in oil and his mother forced him to go to Catholic Sunday school when he was a rebellious pre-teen, Meat is a nullifidian—he has no beliefs. It’s not that he’s an atheist or even an agnostic. He’s just never bothered to think about his own views on religion. Why spend time thinking about that when you could be drumming or thinking about drumming? Or partying? Meat is uncomplicated. When he’s not drumming or partying, he just likes to eat, sleep, and dream of making little Meats.
A funny supernatural tale with spooky scenes, sincere emotions, and a solidly satisfying ending. — Kirkus Reviews
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Demon Freaks by J.R.R.R (Jim) Hardison
YA Horror/Comedy
Fiery Seas Publishing
October 3, 2017
It’s the night before the SAT test and the forces of darkness are stirring.
Twin brothers, Bing and Ron Slaughter, know they’ve got to cram like their lives depend on it because their college plans sure do. If they don’t ace the test, they’ll be doomed to spend the rest of their days flipping burgers at the McDonald’s their parents run. That’s why they hatch a plan to meet up with the members of their punk band, the Ephits, spend the night studying at a secluded cabin in the woods, and maybe squeeze in a little jamming. What could go wrong with a brilliant plan like that?
Ancient evil. That’s what.
As a cataclysmic lightning storm rolls in, Bing, Ron and the rest of the Ephits find themselves tangled in a sinister plot to summon a demon. Yes, demons are real. To survive the night, the band must find a malevolent artifact, battle bloodthirsty monsters and stand against the most dangerous and powerful foe humanity has ever faced…the Golfer’s Association.
About the Author:
Fish Wielder is J.R.R.R. (Jim) Hardison’s first novel novel (He wrote a graphic novel, The Helm, for Dark Horse Comics). Jim has worked as a writer, screen writer, animator and film director. He started his professional career by producing a low-budget direct-to-video feature film, The Creature From Lake Michigan. Making a bad movie can be a crash course in the essential elements of good character and story, and The Creature From Lake Michigan was a tremendously bad movie. Shifting his focus entirely to animation, Jim joined Will Vinton Studios where he directed animated commercials for M&M’s and on the stop-motion TV series Gary and Mike. While working at Vinton, he also co-wrote the television special Popeye’s Voyage: The Quest for Pappy with actor Paul Reiser.
Jim has appeared on NBC’s The Apprentice as an expert advisor on brand characters, developed characters and wrote the pilot episode for the PBS children’s television series SeeMore’s Playhouse and authored the previously mentioned graphic novel, The Helm, named one of 2010’s top ten Great Graphic Novels for Teens by YALSA, a branch of the American Library Association. These days, Jim is the creative director and co-owner of Character LLC, a company that does story-analysis for brands and entertainment properties. He lives in Portland, Oregon with his lovely wife, two amazing kids, one smart dog and one stupid dog.
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