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Excerpt:
Not long thence, Thoral parted some gnarled tree branches and peeked between them toward a lair built of piled human bones entwined with human hair and scattered with human teeth. Flies buzzed above it in thick clouds. The stench of death hung heavy in the air as a visible fume that crawled down the sides of the bone pile and across the desolate ground like a poisonous fog.
Brad climbed onto Thoral’s shoulder and peered out from beneath the tangle of Thoral’s tawny hair at the edifice of death that was the grode’s den. “Crap,” he said under his breath, and as they watched, something large stirred within and reared its ugly head. Warlordhorse, the fish and the barbarian ducked as a giant bull grode stood, its back to them. It stretched its battle-scarred bulk, its iridescent fuchsia scales shimmering. Then it raised its piggish nose and smelled the air. Its distinctive purple-and-teal-feathered crest rose in a classic threat display.
Thoral tensed. Only one grode had a purple-and-teal crest.
A blinding rage flared in the warrior’s violet eyes. As he drew Blurmflard, the blade
glowed such a bright pink that the fish and the horse had to avert their eyes, and the bones of the hand in which Thoral clutched the hilt were silhouetted through his skin.
“Evil monster!” Thoral yelled, pushing through the tangled branches. Still on his
shoulder, a surprised Brad crouched down and tried to hide in the cascade of Thoral’s tawny hair while Warlordhorse watched through the trees, his eyes showing white all around. “Evil monster,” Thoral continued, “long have I sought thee that I might bring about thy doom.” His words boomed through the wizened and skeletal trees of that murky forest, but the beast did not seem afraid. It merely laughed in a low and throaty chuckle.
“What is this?!” the grode bellowed, spraying a thick mist of spittle that killed every fly it touched so that they fell out of the air like a blanket. “A puny human dares to challenge me?”
Thoral’s affirmative reply was drowned out as the grode tilted its head to the sky and
roared so loud that the rest of the flies died from shock. Brad trembled, but Thoral stood steadfast before the beast.
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Fish Wielder by J.R.R.R (Jim) Hardison
Epic Fantasy/YA
Fish Wielder Series (Book 1)
Fiery Seas Publishing
August 23, 2016
Fish Wielder is kind of like Lord of the Rings, set in Narnia, if it was written by the guys who made Monty Python and the Holy Grail while they were listening to the music of They Might Be Giants.
In ancient times, the Dark Lord Mauron cooked the most powerful magic chocolate dessert ever made, the Pudding of Power. One thousand and two years later, the evil leader of the Bad Religion, the Heartless One, is trying to recover the lost pudding in order to enslave the peoples of Grome. Only the depressed barbarian warrior Thoral Might Fist and his best friend, Brad the talking Koi fish, have a chance to save the world of Grome from destruction, but that’s going to take a ridiculous amount of magic and mayhem. Thus begins the epically silly epic fantasy of epic proportions, Fish Wielder—book one of the Fish Wielder Trilogy.
About the Author:
Fish Wielder is J.R.R.R. (Jim) Hardison’s first novel novel (He wrote a graphic novel, The Helm, for Dark Horse Comics). Jim has worked as a writer, screen writer, animator and film director. He started his professional career by producing a low-budget direct-to-video feature film, The Creature From Lake Michigan. Making a bad movie can be a crash course in the essential elements of good character and story, and The Creature From Lake Michigan was a tremendously bad movie. Shifting his focus entirely to animation, Jim joined Will Vinton Studios where he directed animated commercials for M&M’s and on the stop-motion TV series Gary and Mike. While working at Vinton, he also co-wrote the television special Popeye’s Voyage: The Quest for Pappy with actor Paul Reiser.
Jim has appeared on NBC’s The Apprentice as an expert advisor on brand characters, developed characters and wrote the pilot episode for the PBS children’s television series SeeMore’s Playhouse and authored the previously mentioned graphic novel, The Helm, named one of 2010’s top ten Great Graphic Novels for Teens by YALSA, a branch of the American Library Association. These days, Jim is the creative director and co-owner of Character LLC, a company that does story-analysis for brands and entertainment properties. He lives in Portland, Oregon with his lovely wife, two amazing kids, one smart dog and one stupid dog.
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